Retailers tried to package it, of course. They sold "vintage-inspired" ornaments that looked like they’d been recovered from a 1974 basement flood. But you can't buy Gonzo. It’s a state of mind. It’s the decision to wear a sequined jumpsuit to a dive bar on Christmas Eve because the world might end tomorrow, so you might as well sparkle while it happens.

As the snow fell—or failed to fall, depending on your hemisphere's climate crisis—the 2022 season became a blur of digital nostalgia and analog chaos. We checked our crypto wallets with one hand and passed the gravy with the other. It was a time of deep contradictions, where the heavy weight of the world was momentarily lightened by the flickering glow of a television playing 24-hour loops of "A Christmas Story."

So, what are you waiting for? Get ready to experience the holiday season like never before. Gonzo Xmas 2022 is coming, and it's going to be bigger and better than ever.

Attire: Novelty sweaters strictly prohibited. Eyewear mandatory.